My name is Suhana and this is my story. I wish I could say a good one but this one is the worst story of my life. I live in Delhi as I work in an IT Firm for 2 years. I share a flat with my roomie Natasha. She is a very good friend of mine and she is from Lucknow.
One of my best friends used to come to my place and we used to watch movies, do parties all night and sometimes hang out with each other. He was a good friend so I trusted him blindly. I knew him almost for 1 years and he was the very genuine guy. I like him as a friend but not more than that.
One fine evening My best friend of 1 years invited me to a bonfire with some of our co-workers; I agreed to go because we always hang out. We have gone to the beach, movies, parties everything so it wasn’t a big deal. I felt safe around him. He picked me up and drove to the beach when we arrived there was nobody to be found. So he suggested we just hang out and look at the stars and the waves and I agreed. He had taken some tequila and I took two shots, I tried convincing him to take some as well but he denied since he had to drive. However, two shots normally don’t do much to me, I’m not a lightweight and I know how to take care of myself. Yet everything after those two shots is a blur.
I remember him kissing my neck and groping me, yet I was in so much shock that I felt like I couldn’t move. I remember his hand sliding under my top and undid my bra, I remember the moment he put his penis in my vagina, I hadn’t had sex for years so the pain was excruciating. He kept telling me to be quiet as I cried; I remember his disgusting moans and groans. I remember him getting off of me and I asked if he was done, and he replied, “are you done?” As if I were enjoying it just as much as he was. He decided to have a second round, yet this time I really couldn’t move my body, I couldn’t speak, and my thoughts were empty.
he forcefully pushed his hand further up my neck and it seemed the more I tried to move, the less I could actually move. By then I knew he had clearly put something in my drink, I wasn’t sick, I was drugged. Tears rolled down my face and I asked him not to do this to me, I begged and tried to move away from him but I was stuck and by then he was already on top of me holding me down. He looked at me as I cried and begged him not to and said, stop crying you know you want it. He tried to force me to kiss him but by that time the thought of any part of him touching me made me want to puke.
When I looked into his eyes I didn’t see the person I called my friend anymore, I saw a completely heartless monster, and I was terrified. Before I knew it he was forcing himself inside of me, I mean I knew how sex was supposed to feel, but this wasn’t sex, this was torture. It hurt so bad, I felt sick, I begged him to stop, I was crying, I couldn’t breathe, my eyes were blurry it was hard to see. It seemed the more I cried and pleaded with him, and the more I hurt, the more he enjoyed it. At one point he put his hand around my throat, and choked me, when he let go he said, say you like it, say you wanted it. When I didn’t he choked me again, this time for much longer I was gasping for air when he let go and he demanded it again, by now I was scared for my life, I thought he was going to kill me, so I said it. After that, I felt like it went on forever, the most painful longest minutes of my life.
I closed my eyes and tried to disassociate myself with what was happening, and after what felt like eternity it was finally over and he got off of me, he kissed my cheek and then he explained to me that I had better not tell anyone and that if I tried to tell anyone he would tell everyone that I was drunk and that we just hooked up, and that no one would believe me and that I would just be the bitch who cheated on her boyfriend. I was so scared, I was shaking, I cried until I fell asleep.
I don’t remember anything after that, not even getting home. I woke up the next day with hickeys on my neck and feeling dizzy and nauseous. I had to go work that morning, and I left feeling numb. I couldn’t even think. How was I supposed to think? That whole day was filled with shock and sickness.
The day after that I realized what happened, I was drugged and raped by someone I thought I could trust. He planned the whole thing out, and I fell for it. Every day keeps weighing on me, I keep blaming myself. I’m afraid of going to work because I don’t want to face my rapist. I cry every night and I’m afraid to even go out with my friends. I look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted with myself I see no beauty. I don’t know how to deal with this all I know is that I must because I can’t let this change my life. However, this happened a couple of days ago and I’m really afraid that I might end up pregnant because he didn’t use a condom. I know I have to get myself checked but I’m just really afraid.